6.16.2007

You see a gazebo...

Ahhh...a blast from the past.

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About fifty yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

5 comments:

MJK1138 said...

Dude, that is hilarious.

Dinky said...

That's stolen from my copyrighted story, "Eric and the Gazebo". I've never denied reprint rights, but I must insist that my name be properly attributed. A quick Google will verify this. -- Richard Aronson, aronson@sti.net

James Morison said...

What most people do not realize is that this is based on a true story. My wife was there the night it happened. Although the "Warrior" did not run away he kept shooting until the GM just gave up, the Gazebo woke up pounced on the "Warrior" and killed him. My wife had the dubious honor of having to take the young man aside and explain what a gazebo was. The young man was from the south as is my wife, he was mortified when she told him it's what the rest of us called a "Summer House". I have met at least two other people that were there that night and they have verified her account through much laughing. It is no myth, it's true.

James Morison said...

Now do you want me to tell you about the mage that shat a brick wall? That ones true too.

Matt said...

Dinky/Richard - my apologies. Someone told me this story in college (over 10 years ago) and I had no idea it was from a book.

James - that's hilarious! I would love to hear the mage story.

-Matt